User talk:Cheekyisundead
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the File:Emily is sorry.png page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! WhyAmIReadingThis (talk) 00:52, February 8, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:55, February 8, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story I'm sorry, but there were a massive amount of issues present in your story. There are capitalization, punctuation, spelling, wording, and a lot of story issues here that result in your story being well-below our quality standards for the site. Capitalization errors: Proper nouns need to be capitalized. "miss stevens (Stevens),", "im sorry", "i need to go now", "The feeling emily got was so exiting", etc. Words improperly capitalized: "they were the Bladed weaopon," The start of sentences/dialogue left uncapitalized. "oh, guess i need to go now", "we haven't wathed one in a while", ""sure we can" Maria said exitedly.", ""bye..." Emily said sadly.", "Don't you wan't (sic) to end your pain? all (All) the suffering you've been through? come (Come) on, just admit it", etc. Punctuation: Punctuation missing from dialogue. ""sure we can" Maria said exitedly.(sic)", "oh, guess i need to go now", ""Emily, get to bed" her ", etc. Quotations missing from multiple lines of dialogue. "Emily said(,) (")can (Can) we maybe look for a movie later?"("), "(")But mom... it's 6:30 pm... ", "(")I don't care! get (Get) the fuck into your bed and leave me alone!", "(")How can you tell the truth, when you've always lied?(")", etc. Apostrophes missing from contractions and randomly inserted into words that aren't contractions/possessives. Spelling errors: "She didn't like to stand out because of her perminent scars", "hey were the Bladed weaopon,", "she came accross a weapon store", "Emily had cut her tounge out of her mouth", "Later on ot 7:57 pm', "we haven't wathed one", etc. There are a lot of typos/misspellings here. I suggest using a word program when writing. Wording issues: run-on and awkwardly worded sentences. "Emily now lives with her mother Ann, she's an only child, but there is another problem her mother drinks alot and when she does she starts to get... angry, so she starts to yell alot her daughter", "Emily had cut her tounge out of her mouth, blood was everywhere, all over her mouth and emily's clothes but instead of being sad, she just laughed, and laughed.. and laughed... like a maniac.", "Emily thought for a while, then she picked up the katana, and slashed the old man's face as blood splat everywhere.", etc. Story issues: starting with the basics, you shouldn't have multiple speakers in the same paragraph as it muddles who is saying what and makes the story appear cluttered. ""Show me your sharpest weapons..." she said with no emotion "ah, here we go"" The story additionally feels very rushed, as if it was written a;; at once and not proof-read. There are a lot of cliches here. Abused protagonist by cartoonishly evil parent ("Ann threw a bottle of whisky at the wall and it smashed."), Crying blood ("Blood was pouring out of her eyes"), nonsensical quotes/catchphrases ("How can you tell the truth, when you've always lied?"), etc. This feels more like an origin story as opposed to a story designed to tell a driving conflict/plot. It's more of a vehicle for introducing your character rather than an actual creepy pasta. I hate to say this but due to its content, I don't think you can salvage this story. Please read this guide for more in-depth analysis of why OC/CPC character-driven stories do not work. Even if you re-worked the story and solved the mechanical errors, I think it would still be deleted by someone on the admin team for being a generic OC/CPC introduction story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:00, February 8, 2016 (UTC)